what's your feel?

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you?

Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
No you don't know what it's like to be like me...

she's gone...

Miss Peh was my English teacher in sec school. i remember her as an extraordinary teacher with magical powers that can make even the most rebellious ah beng and ah lian (myself inclusive) in my class do her bidding...

she was diagnosed with cancer one year after my graduation. i remember visiting her twice in the hospital in the past 7 years...i was in Poly then. she was really courageous, she never tried to hide her condition from anyone and talked about it openly. i started to think, what will i do if i were her? would i choose to accept reality and make the most out of my remaining life or would i start to dwell and blame everyone else for my condition?

Miss Peh stopped all kinds of treatments about a year ago as her condition wasn't improving. this meant that she was prepared to accept death. her body continued to deteriorate until of recent months, she developed complications such as kidney failure.

she was in great pain a few weeks before her death and was oedematous (swelling). she asked the doctors if she could be euthanised (put to sleep) but that's not allowed in Singapore.

on 19 June 2006, she has finally passed on in the middle of her sleep.

i was at her wake...from the turnout of her ex-students, it's not hard to see why she was loved by all. it was a christian wake...i was crying the whole time while we were singing songs to commemorate her. suddenly i started to wonder....if i was the one to pass away today, how many of my friends will come to my wake? will they cry for me? will they have any good things to reminisce about me? how long will it be after my death that i will be completely forgotten?

we went in to look at her one last time. she looked so different, i almost couldn't recognise her. i guess it's because of the swellings. she was clad in a white gown, with white gloves. it looked like a wedding dress. probably it was her wish to be dressed in a wedding gown since she never had the chance as she was never married?...she looked graceful lying in the white coffin, almost smiling. i know she is now relieved of all the pains and sufferings.

that night gathered many of my old friends whom i haven't met for almost a decade. we sat down and started reminisicing old times. we would never have gotten this chance if not for this occassion. how great can this teacher get? she has done something good for her students even after her death.

i love you Miss Peh. Goodbye.

doncha' ever critisize my honey sausages

i cannot believe i actually managed to survive the tkd training camp last week, being captivated in an enclosed area (bungalow chalet) with so many kids at one time!

i hate kids, they're so damn irritating can?! it's worse when they don't have a cute face to compensate for! i mean if you are quite cute but irritating, i still can tahan a bit lah, but if the face is like KNS and still have bad manners, then i really feel like giving them one tight slap.

kids nowadays...really have bad manners, or should i say no manners at all. don't know what's the meaning of respect. cannot even ask for a favour properly...your parents never teach you how to say 'Please' meh?!...tmd

and they are all damn drama kings/queens lah!! cry non stop over trival matters. of cos i cannot be bothered to coax them. i was hoping that they cry until dehydrated then no energy to kaopeh anymore.

on the last night, we had a bbq and i had to quickly cook the food for the kids cos they are the kings/queens of the house, cannot be starved. the first round of sausages didn't turn out well cos the fire was too big, then one stupid boy had to give his unwanted comment:

stupid boy: "eee the hotdog chao tah one...such a bad cook!"
me: (staring at him sternly) "you say that again!!!"
stupid boy: "that again"

i could feel the urge to rip his mouth apart and throw him down the slope, leave him to die at the beach. you think your answer very funny issit?? and how dare you say i'm a bad cook?!?! i am like so famous for my bbq honey sausages lor...highly requested by all my friends at all bbq functions. this time is just a small mistake! i don't need your stupid comment.

say! say! say!...as hard gay does it. you kids shut up! i hate you! hahahaha!

what was i thinking?!

i've finally resumed normal working hours and went back to my office today and was eager to catch up with the latest ba guas in the office while i was away doing the night shift duty at terminal 1. met JJ (an intern from NUS) along the corridoor and we started ba gua-ing. i learnt from him that two of the staff from his dept have tendered their resignation, one of them was LLih (his internship supervisor).

LLih also happened to be J's (my internship supervisor) good friend at work. although her resignation didn't really come as a surprise to me since i heard she hasn't been happy about the working environment. but i was shocked to hear that today is the last day we'll be seeing her at work cos apparently she has many days of uncleared leave and used it to nett off her 1 month notice...so sudden sia~

then came the time to knock off...and LLih came into our office to say bye to J, i could immediately sense sadness filling the air while they bade each other farewell. i could see J's eyes turning red while LLih walked away with her bags...then at this moment, i just had to say something stupid...

me: "eh J...your eyes so red, don't tell me you going to cry hor...eh don't cry leh don't cry leh...LLih is gone but you still have me!! hahahahaha...."

guess what? after my stupid comment, J's tears started pouring and she cried lah!!! wah lau eh she's like trying hard not to cry in front of me - her chao intern liao and i still have to go and mention the word 'CRY'! three times somemore like machiam scared she didn't hear it the first like like that. piang eh...i'm so dumb lah!!...

i felt so bad and didn't know how to react, so i 三十六计，走为上计...quickly grabbed my bag, ran off as fast as i could and shouted "J bye bye i go home first" from like 100 meters away...i is such a wimp! sometimes i wish god can take my mouth away.

keep walking

johnny walker says: keep walking

and that was exactly what i have been doing, for the entire day at work. i am on a 12 hour shift work for one week, doing some observational studies. it sucks. walking up and down the check-in rows is not an easy task man. damn siong.

and whenever i'm on the graveyard shift from 7pm to 7am, i feel like i'm walking in a mega freezer. sibeh cold lah! and whole airport like so deserted. sian sian sian.

just when i said i enjoy going to work i have to kena this arrow...boo hoo! i just hope this week can be over real soon! argh...

hard gay...okaaayy!!!

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say say say!!!