victory is sweet

i knew i was not prepared for this nationals. my fitness level and skills were below par. if i were to win, i needed all my experience, and luck. as it turned out, luck was on my side.

not so on edwin's. he was doing so well, no one expected him to suffer such a serious injury in his finals. when i saw him cry, i knew it wasn't because of the injury. it was because of the pain of loss. he really wanted to win and he deserved to win. my heart went out to him.

sad moments aside though, last nite i won my 7th consecutive nationals gold medal. my final opponent was a girl who took over me after i left the national team. the feeling was fantastic; to win the match right in front of the crtics' eyes. i wanted to prove the critics wrong, and i did.

as yoda would say "sweet, victory is". in the ring, i could see, hear and feel the entire stadium behind me. spectators from all walks; people whom i knew and did not know were all cheering for me. it warmed my heart and filled me with a memory that will never leave me. no words can quite describe how i felt last nite. i was really high and felt like a superstar.

standing on the podium, my joy and pride were hard to hide. and yet, looking at my defeated opponents on the lower steps, i could not help but feel that a competition is a cruel thing. for there to be a winner, inevitably someone has to be the loser.

a perfect ending to my TKD career. a memorable retirement match.


all my 7 national gold medals...time really flies.


i was so excited the whole night that i felt no pain at all, even though i had some bruises here and there. but somehow, the same feeling didn't last till the next day. when i woke up just now, i almost couldn't feel my arms and legs and i felt like i was breaking apart!! haha. this teaches me i have to come back to reality. age is catching up.

special thanks to:
TP, NTU, SAFSA and Sports Team tkd members. i know you guys cheered the loudest :)
DH, for coaching me all these yrs, i'm very happy we won this together
small sir and big sir, who brought me into competitive sparring
bygon, who kept forcing me to do last minute training becos he thinks i am too fat to win
esther, who called back to congragulate me from China
JF, for the photos
everyone else who shouted my name throughout the match

A BIG THANK YOU. *bow*

45th

this year's Nationals are coming, my match will be on the 27th. competition is steep this time with many up and coming young players. some of them pray hard to not meet me in their matches, while some came with the intention of pinning me down. i think it is going to be an exciting competition.

someone just asked me if i feel the pressure to win, and i said No. but in fact the answer is Yes. i know i cannot accept defeat, especially this time. i wonder what will my reaction be if i really lose my match this year. will i be able to accept my defeat graciously? i really cannot tell yet.

i cannot remember since when, i started to keep a record of the competitions that i have been to. this Nationals will be my 45th one. is this a good number to retire? heh...will this Nationals be my 7th consecutive gold? i hope so, but i really don't know.

some tell me that i will win for sure while some speculate that i am over the hill. will i win this year? i'm excited to find out too.

the end or just the beginning?

his funeral was both heartwrenching and heartwarming. more than a hundred of his TKD students, friends and relatives attended. we gave him a very special send off...all of us were clad in TKD uniforms, some of his friends even had trouble searching for their uniforms as they had already left the TKD scene for a very long time. his students put up one last performance. news reporters even came to cover his story.

it has been one whole week of insufficient sleep for me. i stayed over at his wake every night and slept an average of 4-5 hours per day. i wanted to be there for the fact that i knew him for so long, knew his brother, knew his wife, his parents, his cousins, his friends...

i came home quite relieved that his funeral is over. i'm exhausted from all the crying and helping out...i am glad that it has ended.

but is this the end...or is it just the beginning?? life has to go on for the people who are still alive. everyone must learn to move on, it's hard, especially for the family. as friends, we can only do this much to help...they must help themselves and pick themselves up from despair. i just hope that they can stop grieving soon...

my only photo with Ross, taken a few years back.