there's something about bus 179

when the pain hit me, I could only let out a yelp. i was lost in my own thoughts, and so had only a delayed, stunted reaction to my pinkie toe being stepped on. we were in a long tight queue, shuffling along to board bus 179.

there must be at least 6-700 young aspiring undergraduates queuing for the bus this morning. having been struck suddenly by how many of us there were, i wondered: "will we all get on the bus? we obviously won’t all get onto this bus – in fact, most of us won’t get onto a bus as quickly as we want. what if we run out of buses?"

i see NIE students in the same queue. why are they here? don't they already have their own designated buses? aren't they supposed to take bus 199? The System had already planned it all out for them, why don’t they just follow the rules? why do they have to compete with me in my queue? as unhappy as i was, i realised there was nothing to be done, because what i have, they have it too. afterall, to the bus captain, one EZlink card does not look too different to the other.

on the bus, some were contented to be able to secure a seat quickly on the lower deck. others charge for the stairs, hoping to find a seat at the top. invariably, some of them will be disappointed to find that, after scrambling to climb up, there are yet others who are already seated comfortably up there. the 'climbers' look enviously and forlornly at them, as they realise the 'chair-people' are likely to stay in their seats till the very last stop. they wonder what the 'chair-people' did better to deserve a seat upstairs, but suspect they simply had advantage of time. still, some were persistent, and patiently hope for someone to leave their seat.

this whole cycle repeats itself seemingly perpetually. no matter how many students rush onto a bus, more will always come to take their place. queuing, waiting, for their turn to get on a bus. if you miss your bus, you just have to queue again.

rheumatism

my rheumatism is acting up again, thanks to the rainy weather. for some reason, my condition was exceptionally bad today. hmm...maybe because i was carrying a heavy bag to school? mum always say to me: "now you so young like that already, next time old already how?" ...i also don't know leh...

i suspect i'll probably won't be able to walk when i'm 50 years old, considering that i have to stop and sit down every 15 minutes when shopping at orchard road and that i cannot stand in one position for more than 10 minutes without feeling my back breaking. sigh.

i desperately need some sleep tonight but my knees and ankles are killing me! argh...i feel so old already. sigh.

if only i could turn back time...

H asked me (again) when do i want to meet the President of the Karate Federation. apparently they (the Karate people) have been asking him quite a few times if i'm interested to join their national team although i cannot understand why they think i may be good enough to represent them in the 2007 Bangkok SEA Games. i don't mind picking up the sport from scratch...but being a national athlete all over again requires some serious consideration. the amount of time and effort i'd have to put in...the discipline, stamina, concentration, energy...argh, i really don't know.

perhaps i'm just trying to find excuses, because i know that TKD is still my number one passion and nothing can replace it. i went for my 3rd dan grading over the weekend, it was tiring and nerve wrecking, nevertheless very enjoyable. my sparring partners were mostly guys and i think i did well against them. i was watching my competition videos in my room and it made me so depressed, cos i know i'm still good and i've what it takes to continue competing internationally...but somehow i had given up on the chance to do so.

i was really tired...tired of all the other things that came with the sport.

if only i was more principled. if only i had a stronger mind. if only i had perservered. i'm sure i can make history (in a small way) one day. now it's too late. (or not?) if only i could turn back time...i wonder if the ending would still be the same? guess i'll never know now.

people try to put you down, because they know that you are good. the only person who can tell you, you are not good enough is yourself.

You are beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring you down
You are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring you down
Don't you bring me down today...

si beh sian

i am finally back...and i'm feeling si beh sian. sigh. feeling damn depressed, don't really know why. school has already started today, but i overslept (what's new)...so went to JB in the afternoon to lend my support to Malaysia's pirated DVD trade.

excerpts from MSN chat:

qix si beh sian says:
ruoying...how? i si beh sian

ruoying~done! says:
KNS! you had more than a month of holiday leh!

qix si beh sian says:
still...i si beh sian
i want to go back to NZ and become a retired teenager

ruoying~done! says:
...we are not teenagers anymore. get your age right...

qix si beh sian says:
I KNOW! let me fantasize!! you just broke my dream
i don't want to talk to you liao

maybe cos now i'm broke and fat, so kena depression. and the weather here...si beh hot, made my depression worse. fortunately, not everything is bad here...at least i get to see ah siao. but he's making me worried, cos he grew fatter again. he's 7.4kg now, he gained 0.7kg since i left Singapore. mum said the cat was quite happy that i wasn't around to bother him, so he ate alot. after hearing this, i si beh sian again. anyways...i better make him go on a diet, don't want to see him die of heart attack next time. sigh......

ok, i better go now. cos i need to d w e l l . SI BEH SIAN AH!!!.... :O(